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How to dig out your car
Dec. 27th, 2010 09:04 pmHow to Dig Out Your Car From 14 Inches of Snow In Enormous Drifts (without totally ruining your paint job):
Step one: Do you love your car? Do you really, really love it? Enough to potentially ruin a white coat? Or at least, really need it in the next hour? Well, this is the time to figure that out! If yes, proceed to step two. If no, then . . . wait a few days. It'll melt. Really.
Step two: Pick a likely angle of approach. The one with the least snow drift between you and your car is probably ideal. Make sure you're wearing waterproof gloves, or you may not love your car as much as you thought.
Step three: Glomp your car! Show it that you love it, truly love it, enough to break through the iceberg carapace it is now wearing! Think snow-angel or flailing desperately a la doggy paddle.
Step four: Keep flailing while your family and neighbors laugh at you.
Step five: Break through the snow to your ice-encrusted automobile! We recommend under-cutting the snow with broad, flat sweeps of your hand as close to the surface as possible, then breaking off chunks to hurl at the people laughing at you. Or at least then cause an avalanche onto the surfaces they just shoveled. This is v. effective!
Step six: Retrieve your actual snow removal implements from inside your car now that it is actually accessible to do the fine detailing. We might recommend thawing out a bit while you're there. When the engine is warm and your windows sufficiently clean, roll on, leaving chunks of icy menace behind!
(Why yes, we got a lot of snow. 14 inches, in fact. I do indeed park outside! Man, I really love my car. How did you know?)
Step one: Do you love your car? Do you really, really love it? Enough to potentially ruin a white coat? Or at least, really need it in the next hour? Well, this is the time to figure that out! If yes, proceed to step two. If no, then . . . wait a few days. It'll melt. Really.
Step two: Pick a likely angle of approach. The one with the least snow drift between you and your car is probably ideal. Make sure you're wearing waterproof gloves, or you may not love your car as much as you thought.
Step three: Glomp your car! Show it that you love it, truly love it, enough to break through the iceberg carapace it is now wearing! Think snow-angel or flailing desperately a la doggy paddle.
Step four: Keep flailing while your family and neighbors laugh at you.
Step five: Break through the snow to your ice-encrusted automobile! We recommend under-cutting the snow with broad, flat sweeps of your hand as close to the surface as possible, then breaking off chunks to hurl at the people laughing at you. Or at least then cause an avalanche onto the surfaces they just shoveled. This is v. effective!
Step six: Retrieve your actual snow removal implements from inside your car now that it is actually accessible to do the fine detailing. We might recommend thawing out a bit while you're there. When the engine is warm and your windows sufficiently clean, roll on, leaving chunks of icy menace behind!
(Why yes, we got a lot of snow. 14 inches, in fact. I do indeed park outside! Man, I really love my car. How did you know?)
