On Introductions

[windlion]

Beware, pontificating below. I should probably not be allowed to blog after sane people go to bed.

Sometimes, I remember I have blogs, and even that I have multiple blogs! It gets a little weird because I always have to ask myself, what am I using them for? What do people actually want from me on them? (I am overly self-conscious and hyper-critical as a character trait. Telling me to not worry about that is counter productive because nope, going to anyways.)

Tumblr is my most active platform at the moment, but it is also a very shallow thing. I quietly debate every time before posting anything personal, and most often, I delete it later. Then there are people whom I follow who write very personal and private messages on a regular basis, some of whom I would like to respond to but very rarely dare because who do I think I am, this stranger, to walk in and talk to them when they're vulnerable? On the other hand, the rare few people who do talk to me, I cherish, because . . . PEOPLE! Who want to talk to me! It's a brave new world for an introvert of my caliber.

So it's very . . . awkward give and take. I am curious, sometimes, how people view me online because I tend to try and control what shows and what doesn't. To the point of being deliberately obscure about my gender because I want to let people draw their own conclusions, even when it's probably bloody obvious.

Then there's the whole "It's on-line, you should be able to be as up front as you want to about anything." conundrum. Yeaaaaaaah.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is. . . . Hello, internet. I'm Wind. I've been using the nick Windlion for more than half my life, to the point where seeing my real name on-line creeps me out. If I ever get published, it is likely to be under the pseudonym W.D. Lyons, because I am super-creative. I am a huge lurker dork, and sometimes, I wish to share my geekery with people, because I truly am passionate about My Things, but I have no idea where to start. Sometimes, I am even tempted to talk about how My Brain Does Not Work Like So-Called Normal People's  (and why didn't I work on that when it was still under warranty!), but I have even worse ideas on where to start with that.

In the event I do not respond to you, it is probably because I can't figure out how to do so in a way that I feel like I am adding anything. I read every comment, every message, and I guarantee they make a difference, because otherwise, I probably would have crawled out of fandom with my tail between my legs a long time ago.  Knowing that people are reading is important to me.  You guys are why I keep going.  Even when the depression comes back in force, even when I am paralyzed that every word I write is utter crap and why is anyone even reading me- you guys haven't left.  So I can't stop.

It might take me awhile.  I might write in fits and spurts, especially while I'm wrestling with my demons re: job hunting, but if you stay with me, we'll get there in the end.   And I am so thankful for everyone who signed up for the ride.